I hate myself
I think people tell the truth when they are not being themselves. I am quite close to that stage. The truth is indeed that I hate myself for a lot of things. Many things I do not want to remember but cannot forget. Many more things that seem to be happening which I do not want to happen. I try to keep my mind away from certain things but cannot.
It is a cruel cruel world.
February 28th, 2006 at 07:14 am
i hate myself and the rest o the universe too!
April 7th, 2006 at 08:10 am
I hate myself, where do I begin? At birth maybe? I have always hated myself. From my earliest memory I felt I was never deserving, I always created senerios where I was always victimized, always punished. Why? I have put myself in positions where I had power and allowed it to be taken away from me so that I could be the victim. I am so fucked up…. People who know me would be shocked. They think I have every thing in control. I am always the one every one comes to for advice. Nobody knows how much I hate myself. Why am I so out of control??? I am a wife, and a mother and a friend and yet a feel deserving of none of these roles. Why do I hate myself this much?
May 3rd, 2006 at 10:17 pm
i hate myself alot. i mean i really dont know where to begin. since i was kid i have been thinking y was i born. i really dont htink it would change anything at all if i wasnt here.
June 16th, 2006 at 03:07 pm
Guys, hate sushubh because he throws ppl out of his blg, atleast ppl who do not subscribe to his line of thinking are mercilessly thrown out. By the way, he is going to wear choodiyan soon … yuk yuk yuk
July 26th, 2006 at 03:00 am
I hate myself more each day. i’m 54 and geting to the end. I don’t care anymore. I never did
September 24th, 2006 at 01:09 pm
yo why are u guys this way, you’re all beautiful people just realize that and don’t let anyone take that away.
October 1st, 2006 at 10:15 am
I hate myself. There is never anyone to talk to, no one is ever around, I fell like a reject. I have so much hate for everything, but mostly myself. Every where I look and see “good” things - I scoff at that becuase my life is justy shit. Everyday I keep falling further and further into the chasms of darkness, please someone hand be a blade let me end this.
October 1st, 2006 at 10:18 am
Its funny how Brendan says we are all beautiful. But how can someone take away something which I never possessed.
October 17th, 2006 at 05:52 am
hey messed up, i feel you. there is never anyone around to talk to either and then i sit and stew in my own thoughts. i hate saying “i hate myself” but sometimes it feels that way. im insecure and it’s sad to say that sometimes i wish i was this person or that person. i wish i had a better personality even if people do tell my my personality is good. i don’t know what to think and i get all sad and depressed.
gwyno, that’s the saddest thing i have ever heard. seriously…
October 22nd, 2006 at 04:50 am
I hate myself, too. I have for a long time. I probably hate myself for the same reasons that a lot of you do. I think that one reason why we hate ourselves is because we don’t feel, or act, the way other people expect us to. Probably a lot of us act in ways that are not true to who we are just for the sake of fitting in, or acting the way “society” wants us to. That makes us feel even worse because we feel like frauds….we know that we are lying to ourselves. I think one of the keys to feel better about ourselves is to be who we are, accept ourselves, and stop trying to act, or think, the way other people EXPECT us to….BR TRUE TO OURSELVES.
November 2nd, 2006 at 09:16 pm
I hate myself, and the thing is I know why I hate myself… Its the way I look, I wake up in the morning, and I cant even finish getting dressed because I know right when I step out of this house, everyone is going to be stareing at me, wondering to themselves, wtf is wrong with this guy, why does he look s funny?! I can’t take the critisism any more… If only I could get rid of this, my life would br so much better, but right now, I can’t even go to school, because I feel so out of place, and I don’t get really nervous, I get more frustrated at myself, and I fucking hate it
November 8th, 2006 at 08:04 am
self -hatred is a completely impossible concept to many cultures in this world. that’s not to say that it is bad or wrong to experience self-loathing. rather, it is a distinct, cultural phenomenon. why do americans hate themselves?
November 9th, 2006 at 01:55 am
I hate myself. I am tired of this world that is just cruel and harsh. Why do I have to take it any more. I think that having my ashes scattered over a beach somewhere is better than having to deal with this world. I sought meds etc but i just don’t care about it anymore. i think this world is just to much for me now and i am tired and need to rest now.
November 13th, 2006 at 08:49 am
The thing is I don’t want to hate myself. I try to drown it out by doing everything to excess. I just want to feel, be felt, for something to be real. I cover every wound more expertly than the last. I end up feeling worthless like all of my soul is at the mercy of the people around as if i can not control it.
I just want to take back control of my life to actually have some input and move on. I jut want to feel better.
November 16th, 2006 at 01:05 pm
It’s amazing, I read the comments many of you have left… and feel like a total fraud. By outward appearances i live a good life, but it is amazing how alone one can feel even when surrounded by people. I lost the love of my life a few years back… and with it she took the color from my world. Since, I have cheapened myself… and that’s why I hate myself. I am not a human without her.. just a rabid animal that should be put down.
December 31st, 2006 at 08:34 pm
I hate myself, I have for as long as I can remember. Just like now @ 39, I have always hated myself simply for being human. I have suffered from acute paranoid schizophrenia my entire life. In my mind, I have listened to and observed the parts of my own being fight each other for control. Even they hate me, the devoid shell that I am today. As a result, in addition to the personal offense I take in life’s bullshit ways, I have begun to outwardly hate everything and everyone around me. This sucks. The part of me that wants to live won’t let the part that wants me to die is strong, but without reason as far as I can tell. I mean, if I hate myself, why the hell should any part of me want to live? I AM AT WAR WITH MY OWN BRAIN!
January 16th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
People are hurting, I think that most of us are, those who don’t admit it are covering up there feelings with material goods, false ego’s, or stimulants. I will pray to God for those who cannot help themselves, and to thwart the effort of those who mean harm to those people. I care about people too much, this has made me vulnerable to soulless jerks who make themselves feel better by hurting others.
I live to please those I care about, expending effort on myself is a complete waste of time. If it weren’t for my two children, there would be no point in continuing on. My wife is always at odds with my child (her step), and she resents everything about him. There is a true double standard with our child and the step child when it comes to my wife. I have allot of love in my heart, I just don’t like myself. I pray to God every night, but only to thank him for what blessings I do have (my kids), and at times ask him to take my life. People have been cruel to me all of my life, and have never thought that I was important enough to consider. Yes, I am on medication for depression, without my medication…I’m circling the drain. My wife has said she would re-marry if I were to die for some reason, and said it like my death and replacing me would be a mild distraction for her. Once our children have grown, I may end it all, in such a way that it looks like an accident. Insurance companies don’t like to pay for people offing themselves. I know God does not approve, I just want to be put out of my misery.
January 17th, 2007 at 12:26 am
I hate myself too. But, as I read everyone’s else’s posts, I see that we hate things about our lives, our bodies, or how people make us feel about these things. The real us–our hearts–well, there are things we like about them.
For instance, I hate getting old and my face sagging. But what I REALLY hate about getting old and my face sagging is how people don’t fawn over me any more–I’m don’t get the same kind of attention.
I hate it that I’m so ineffectual that I can’t seem to finish my degree (bachelors) and get a high-paying job. But what I REALLY hate is that I feel that people look down on me for being a lowly housewife and depending on my husband’s salary.
So do we really hate ouselves, or we feel that people view us because of these things we hate about ourselves.
Some things, though, I hate because they hinder me from my dreams. I would like to eat right and be a runner, but instead I eat junk and throw up everyday.
I hate my stubborness and independence. I don’t want to give up control and decision-making and give my life to God. I hate that.
But ya’ll have helped a lot. I don’t feel so alone in my self-hatred any more.
January 17th, 2007 at 12:33 am
I forgot to mention the things we like about our selves, like that we care about people, care about hurting them.
Like how we are able to make this world a little better place when we help someone.
I think the things we perceive as “wrong” with us glare so brightly and shout so loudly that those things are all we’re able to see anymore.
January 17th, 2007 at 12:39 am
And too, I think what we really hate is how bad we feel.
January 27th, 2007 at 09:44 am
Whatever…I have pretended to be this nice, happy person for all of my life….The truth is I’m a loser….A lonely loser…No friends. Kids hate me. Husband gone all the time. I freak out over stupid things for no good reason. I’m 44 & was married 3 times before I was 24. LOSER, (although I’ve been married 20 years this time). I make under 8, 000 a year. LOSER. My gut is fat and ugly. LOSER. I have nothing to do and nobody to do it with. I play Solitare on my computer for fun. I drink to forget. I go all through the motions, but hate who I am. LOSER LOSER. I look good, but feel bad. I’m drinking now…(what a surprise). People walk all over me and I pretend it’s okay. Only my parents remember my Birthday even though I remember everyone elses. There are days I don’t want to wake up……I’m nothing special to anyone. Oh well….Whatever.
January 28th, 2007 at 02:16 am
I Thank everyone who left a message its nice to know my brain is not alone. I hate my life. I hate the fact I can not change it without hurting people. I hate feeling so much pain and trying to explain to my husband and hes shuts me down. I hate being me. I hate trying to show the world my pain thru my weight.I hate feeling this way. I hate dreming how my life could or should be and waking up.I hate trying to be happy and realizing this will never be.I just Hate me.
Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit
January 28th, 2007 at 02:23 am
For all the Hate in the world most lives in our hearts towards ourselves!
February 9th, 2007 at 07:21 pm
i hate myself and i want to die. i feel so alone it breaks my heart. i try so hard to hide my pain and self loathing from everyone in my life as i dont want to be a burden to anyone. and its embarrasing as i feel selfish and shalllow. i have only ever told one person about my self loathing and deep sadness and because of his lack of care i am even more scared to ever let anyone know about whats really going on for the fear that tgey would not be there to there for me and show me that someone really does care about me. i just want to die. there is no point in being here. no understands. no-one sees my sadness.
February 13th, 2007 at 05:11 am
Ah well, here goes nothing.
I hate myself, as do many who have posted here. I hate the fact that I can seem to be such a nice, well meaning person but I will stab you in the back if it helps me. I hate the fact so many people trust me even though I know i will just hurt them and drive them to pain because that is what I am like. I will double cross and hurt people for my own gain, and that I hate. I am selfish and cruel, yet I will help others and I will take care of those I care about. My own paradoxical nature makes me hate myself.
I hate the fact I appear to be a bright smart person when in fact I’m a loser who has to fight fopr all I attempt to achieve and even then I barely make the grade. I hate the fact I can’t work out my own emotions and revert to things like slef-harm to cope instead of being human and speaking to someone.
And I hate myself that bit more for posting this here, where other people have things that are so much worse, and being a self-centered idiot.
Yay for self-hate……
February 14th, 2007 at 07:16 am
Wow…You know reading all these descriptions of self hate make me realize that I am not alone. I know where mine stems from, problem for me is changing is like trying to change a dog into a cat, it’s impregnated in every cell of my body. I hide my pain thru humor, I have always been told I was good looking, funny, a joy to be around. But the minute one of them people burned me , money, broken heart, use me, etc…. I get so mad I turn into Satan, & the thoughts that ensue are scary. I don’t want to end up in jail or go to hell if there is such a place. I hate myself for being so self loathing & pityful, it wasn’t always that way. It’s manifesting as years go by, I live alone, I hate being around people, yet I hate being alone. I drink alcohol to levels that would kill a normal human, drugs, etc…. which I know doesnt help by any means, but for that moment I can say FUCKIT ALL, & I actually am able to ecape myself briefly. I think getting old sucks in our teens & 20’s & 30’s life is a new adventure, were learning about love (joke) life, etc… I think part of my misery is because all thats over, nothing interests me anymore. I see sad old people that sit in a chair alone waiting to die, ignored by family, is that what I have to look forward too? I think about ending it, yet I dont want to. Its as if I have a battle in my head that is its own being, people avoid me, they never know which person I’ll be that day, either funny & wonderful, or so fucking depressing they cringe at my every word. Being insane, yet being able to see it & not control it makes me even crazier. Noone understands, they just walk away shaking their head, guess it gives them someone to talk about. Living with someone you hate is the worst feeling in the world, when that person is yourself, there is no greater pain, lets hope there is some peace when it’s all over, where I’m going, I doubt it
February 21st, 2007 at 07:15 am
Ok, I need some help here on something. Maybe any of you have experienced this? (not looking for empathy)
When I was younger I was a horribly teased individual that honestly more then likely brought it on himself. I hated school, I had no friends, and I could not seem to do anything to stop the teasing. Things got so bad that I hated my parents for “saying what did you do to make this happen”. Oh yeah father was a shrink, boy he was helpful.
Anyways, I have grown up. I am 26 years of age, and its a totally different world. I am good looking, in great shape, and wow my job really takes the cake. I got some friends which are awesome, but mainly I am scared crapless of crowds and well girls.
I never thought I hated myself when I was younger, just hated my life. Now that I am older though I love my life, but I hate myself. I hate my constant paranoyed mind, my total lack of social self confidence, and hate the fact that I think every single damn man out there is more appealling to any girl friend I ever have.
Does anybody have any idea how to make one believe they are worthy of not being that little useless ball of crap that people hate?
Meh, Life goes on. Sometimes I wish I was suicidal, unfortunately though I seemed to have missed that component of I hate my life training.
Any one with good ideas on the subject feel free to spam my email at shark_bait_077@yahoo.com, if you feel to shy to write it here.
We should not have to feel alone.
February 23rd, 2007 at 05:03 am
I hate myself..I love other people and I absolutely hate myself. I hate myself for the way i look, for the way i act, for the way i think. My issue is not how people think about how i act or look or think (Linda Brooks) because I love the people around me, and they don’t think what i think. It’s me. I’ve always been my own problem from the start and well it can’t be fixed. I’m gonna keep hating myself for everything I am for the rest of my life. I don’t think I’m capable of anything or that i have any meaning here. I guess it’s nice to see I’m not the only person but i guess i knew that. Something else i know is that putting effort into life is pointless. But anybody who feels like there’s a point to anything is doing good because you feel like your working towards something maybe u have some self-worth. Me.. I just wait for every day to pass, I try to put the least amount of effort possible into life. Too bad i don’t have the balls to commit suicide huh.
February 27th, 2007 at 08:21 am
i hate myself i give up on everyone and everything i dont see the point anymore most of all i hate the fact that i feel this way why do i have to feel like this wen nobody else i know does i know theres other people like that and i know theres something wrong with me i just need someone 2talk to and i cant find anyone who will understand and not judge me or think im crazy. I wish i could die
March 7th, 2007 at 08:10 am
I hate that it will never go away. Exercise, psychologists, herbs, self-help books, scientology, emotional freedom technique……..nothing makes it stay away for good. At times things may not seem so bad, but the cylce always repeats and it always will. And as soon as a little bit of self-loathing returns, I want more. I feel like it’s easier to delve down into another major depression than to stave it off and turn things around. I deny myself sleep and exercise and company and all the things that I know would help, because after all, I’m not worth it. Time will pass, and the depression will lesson, but it will never go away. That thought destroys my resolve. Why fight for happiness when it will never last.
March 7th, 2007 at 11:09 am
i hate myself, i can’t stand to me in my own skin. i sit at home alone all the time. nothing makes it better for more then a few minutes. i have lied to myself and my friends about immature nonsence and have lost all of them intern. i don’t have the guts to kill myself and just want to be alone in my misery.
March 8th, 2007 at 12:24 am
I hate myself. I have since I can remember. In have always been very good at portraying myself as someone with high self esteem, masses of confidence, and pretty much sorted as a person. The reality is however, that ive always felt very alone, I have been at war with myself trying to not let the self hatred I feel overwhelm me. When It does, I hide myself away from the world while I try to get the courage to face the world again. I hate the way my mind works. I wish I had a manual for my brain so I figure out how to get rid of this self loathing that plagues me. When the self loathing reaches a peak, I hate being around people, I walk with my head down, I become aloof, anti social and very quiet and withdrawn. People think I have problem with them, when actually I have a problem with myself. I crave company and social interaction but shun it and prefer my own company rather than have to deal with the self loathing I feel when Im around people. I feel weak and pathetic, and yet if you met me you would think the opposite. I feel like a waste of space, a fraud and a loser. Yet tomorrow I’ll wake up and continue the battle again.. maybe tomorrow for a few hours I might feel like i’m winning again, but ive never win I get only respites
March 14th, 2007 at 02:23 am
so, I hate that I spew such hateful poison when I am hurting and in pain. I’m ruining a beautiful marriage, I’ve damaged my children’s self-esteem, and have become virtually worthless at my job……….
I hate not being listened to or valued for the human that I am……….
I am an intelligent woman and I hate that I cannot communicate clearly.
The problem so far as I can see is that I take things too seriously…………. I guess i’m over sensitive, but when I tell someone that I am going to do something, I most always do it. When my husband tells me he will do something, and then does not, and offers no justification, I feel hurt, let down and angry. When I try and talk with him and try to let him know how it feels to me when he does not follow thru on something he has committed to, he doesn’t understand why I would make such a big deal. “I just forgot to call” that statement in turn makes me feel that I am not very important to him…. which makes me think of how happy I was, bustling around the house, doing stuff for us, getting ready for him, and now I’m just f–king stupid and worthless, and why do I bother, why am I here……….. then if I want to talk with anyone else about how I’m feeling, it is not loyal to my relationship to share our personal businessssss, and if I’m angry or feeling hurt, it just spews ugly feelings into someone else’s day, and even if they love me enough to listen to me that day, it might make them feel bad feelings about my husband, and then when I am not unhappy (for those few little minutes here and there), they do not like him and wonder why I would be wasting these good years of my life with a person who values me so little……… blah blah blah
that’s how it goes. And then I hate me again, then I stop and be happy, then he lets me down and I feel sadbetrayedangrybelittledlessthannotvaluedhumiliated and then STUPID for letting anybody make me feel this way……………
I hate that I let myself become so involved with someone who does not value me.
March 15th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
I hate myself. I drink to forget how much I hate myself, but it does not last long enough. I don’t pass out and wind up hating myself more for getting drunk when I know I shouldn’t. I’ve gotten drunk and lied to my friends and family soo many times no one will belive what I say and I don’t blame them, I would not belive me either. I’ve been sober for 3 days now and I still hate myself. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to sleep at night. I dont want to eat. I dont want to shower. I dont want to breath. I dont want to die. I try to find things in life that make it worth living but nothing lasts for more than a few days. I get bored and start to drink again when I know I shouldn’t and wind up hating myself.
March 20th, 2007 at 04:23 pm
I hate myself. My parents taught me that I was rude, impolite and in the way. They didn’t mean to, they thought they were teaching me manners. So I’ve always put others first, but then people just walk all over me, so I feel like a sucker. I’ve always wanted to be someone else. Someone better. I drink for courage but then say or do stupid things. Twice recently I made passes at other women while my wife was at the same party. My wife is beautiful! WTF am I doing?? Injury has stopped me exercising, which was my only joy. Now I can’t stand getting up in the mornings as life is too much of a struggle. My business is failing because I just can’t be bothered anymore. I’m waiting for a fatal accident because I don’t have the guts to top myself - and can’t stand the thought that I might hurt someone I love when they find the body. I just feel like I’m missing the point of life - I don’t enjoy it, I don’t really take part anymore. I just don’t get it and feel too stupid to be part of the human race. I’ve a good university degree but can’t relate to people in an adult way. I should be able to by now, I’m 40. If I don’t get it now, what’s the point?
March 21st, 2007 at 05:19 am
Man I know how you all feel theres something form each and everyone of you that I feel.I can really relate to Chrissy.That is sooo me its scary and comforting. Everynite I sit and wait and everynite I am blown off. Everynite I lose more and more of myself. I feel as if I;m screaming for help and no one is there to throw me the rope.Who am I kidding, there is no one who cares. They pretend to but they don’t. Cuz see he’s gd at keeping me seperated and getting me to dislike those he spends time with. From friends I’ve known all my life to my family,thats where is is now. My sisters. he says he don’t mean to do it but I think he does. I’ve told him that I thought his goal was to drive me insane and today I am 99.9% there. The stress of it all is just to much. I kills me that I cant even hold myself together anymore and my daughter is witnessing it all. Great another me in the making. I use to have friends family a life, now here i sit wanting to take my life. What happened?
March 21st, 2007 at 11:15 pm
so, at 46 years od………. what I did yesterday when I woke up was clean out two stinking litter boxes, feed the fish, water the house plants, feed my 5 cats, throw the ball for my hyper dog, and go out to my garden to pick mustard, kale, and arugula to chop for my bearded dragon……… while I was out there, I realized that it was a beautiful day! The air was moist, easy on my allergies………. there were so many peas and flowers on the pea plants, that I started picking and shoving peas into my mouth. I ate at least 50 of them. that was a nice breakfast. I went back inside and chopped up the greens for the lizard and then gave my husband the little bit of leg he’s been after. Took a shower and went to work two hours late……… I told my boss that it was just too nice out to come into work and that I got lost out picking peas.
He said he was glad to see me feeling better.
I went for a hard fast walk with my daughter at lunch, and had the most productive day at work that I’ve had for months.
I picked fresh greens and had a gorgeous salad fresh from the garden for my dinner (along with a rib eye and a nice bottle of petite syrah) and went to bed early.
I feel better today than I have for months.
Today is the first day of spring.
March 22nd, 2007 at 06:18 am
I hate myself, I used to be beautiful, now Im severly overweight, I find myself at the edge of a cliff.
My 11 yr marriage is ending with a cheating husband who really never cared now that I look back, I wasnt much more than a maid to a slob.
I want to die. Yes Ive tried, pills.. alot, made me sick - didnt work. Now I think of more simple ways.. such as head on into a semi truck… why? I dont know.. ease the pain forever? maybe.
Why am I posting here.. I dont know…
I cant stand myself, cant look in the mirror.. cant hardly function in real life. I hide inside my home every chance I get, I can hardly put on the cheerleader face at work anymore to cover up my obvious self disgust.
I try for the sake of my kids to keep it normal and not go totally insane. Its hard. I see people mocking me, laughing at me, making fun of me, hating me.. everywhere I go. I am ashamed.
I should be better, but I dont know how - drugs dont seem to help.
I am a failure.. in the eyes of my family. Everyone else is successful, has fancy cars, homes, lives.. except me. My father hates me because I am like my mother. I cant make anyone happy, least of all myself.
I want to be somebody else.
~Lacker~AKA~Sadstick
March 25th, 2007 at 09:52 am
What is all this? Why do so many people feel this way? How do I stop these thoughts? How do I decide what is reality? I feel like I am not being treated well by my partner. But she has me convinced it is all me, that I am the one who treats her and everyone else in the “family” badly. And she is right. I have so much anger in me, and it escapes every day. I am verbally abusive, even when I am trying to love. I feel hurt all the time by her and my children. I don’t feel love for anyone but my own children anymore.
These thoughts are all horrible. How can I stay if I do not commit myself to this relationship. But if I leave I am only a wimp who couldn’t be a “real man”. My mind buzzes. I try to make sense of reality, but I can’t. What am I doing here? Why would anybody want me to work for them? I’m not stable. Why? Because I choose not to be stable. She says I just have to make a decision to stop being angry. To stop yelling. I think she is right. But I don’t know how.
I hate how weak I am.
March 28th, 2007 at 10:03 am
I’ve been bullied since I was in primary school to the high school ,and I thaught that things gonna change when I’ll move to the US ,but no ,it became even worse.
everyone hates me , I’ve never did anything to anyone , I’ve always been nice with them .
and I’ve never ever had any friend ,since I was born ,I’ve always been and still alone ,especially at school .
I hate everyone ,I just want them to burn in hell for ever .
and I hate myself more than anyone else .
I’ve cut myself many times .
I just wanna hurt myself as more as I can ,coz I hate the person that I am
I know that I’m gonna still in feeling an dliving this way till the end of my days ,nothing gonna change ,it may be worse everytime .
I hate being alone , being hated, being ignored …
but all these things still happen till this second .
I just deny myself to do what I want to do ,I just don’t want anything .
I don’t know I get lost more and more everytime I think about my life .
I wanna be tortured ,I want to myself the worst .
but also I want a normal life like everyone has .
to have friends that at least don’t ignore me or hate me , I don’t want to be hurt by others .
I feel so miserable like this ,just typing my feelings .
I wanna be rescued , by someone .
my family always help me ,but it’snot enough to pull me from this dark hole .
I can’t deal with people I don’t have that courage to go and speak to others .
I’m just nothing .
March 28th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
It saddens me that there r so many of us that feel this way.
But have you ever stopped to wonder if it was Something U were doing to cause whatever U think and feel? Or the paranoid thoughts thats U think others are thinking? Really? Have You?
Are you an any meds that you have’nt been taking? Ever have a Mental E-val?
My guess is no most of you have’nt.
And how many of you are taking drugs? Not the legal ones either, the street ones? Could it b that That is the reason? Paranoia, self-loathing? I image can’t make you feel good about being a junkie.
I’m not saying your feelings are not real because They R real to U but that don’t make them real. Get it?Does any1 see a professional? It does help to talk to some1. You all say how lonely u r, so Pay some1 to listen. What do you have 2 lose? Nothing it sounds like.
Do you Try and change your behavior or do u expect everyone else to change theirs? Only u can be the Hero in your life don’t expect some1 else to be it 4 u.So how is wallowing in self pity working for ya’ll? Not well I’m guessing. So change it.
Personally if I meet anyone of u I would not want 2 b your friend either. Who wants to b friends with some1 who’ll bring them down and drain their energy?
How do u expect any1 to like u if u don’t like yourself? Fake it. Fake it better than u have been, soon it won’t feel like faking.
We all have been bullied by some1 sometime in our life or quiet or shy or our b/f-husbands,family or whoever did whatever to us/u, u just give up?
Personally I think thats lame.
And for those of u who have children, is this how u want to be remembered? Lame. And remember children of depressed parents tend to b/get depressed also. And not to mention have a harder time making friends. Which U don’t have, what everyone on here complains about, do U realize thats the legacy you are handing to them? Great Parenting.
So do like I am and get yourself some help its not easy but really what do u have to lose? Friends? Don’t have any. Your life? Go ahead take it, no one will miss you.But u have’nt yet so I’m thinking maybe u want help?
Husbands,b/f? their not there 4 y u anyway right? Family? Pfft, they don’t understand or don’t care or maybe even are the root of it all. Who knows. And for those of us whose self esteem is wrapped up in our demented ways of thinking that if we were thin enough like we were when we were happy that fix eveything. Diet,exercise, get over yourselves!
But for those of us who have children,their mom/dad is what they have to lose. They will blame themselves. For the rest of their life and the cycle starts all over. Lame,Lame Lame. What a fabulous legacy, wish u were my parent.
March 28th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Penny - get a grip. Clinical depression is an illness, it is not “lame” we do not do it to “bring people down”. Grow up or actually read what people are saying - some behaviour patterns are instinctive rather than conscious because of past trauma. No, I do not take illegal drugs. I’m not on legal ones either - that treats the symptom, not the cause. Yes, I am seeking professional help but in the meantime I have problems. Yours appears to be that you think you are some kind of wise guru (look it up). Life isn’t as simple as you think it is and your life exoerience doesn’t apply to everyone. This thread is about venting and expressing, which can be very cathartic and helpful in itself. Labelling those who are suffering as lame does the opposite. We are not “wallowing in self pity”. Do you seriously think that a parent would be behaving this way deliberately and not taking their childs upbringing in to account? If you have nothing positive to offer and cannot empathise don’t bother. Haven’t you got anything better to do than attempt to share your over-simplified childlike philosophy when it isn’t helpful?
March 29th, 2007 at 12:16 am
This is what I think Donald. If your mental,see a professional.
If your on meds take’em.
And yes I do think depression is an illness. I’ve been there and back a few times.
And yes I do think alot of people wallow in self pity.
And I do think people carry on to get attention. Pity is better than none,right?And yes that goes along with piting the children,”tsk,tsk poor children,mom/dad won’t/can’t get up to cook,bathe them whatever 4 whatever reason” For some1 so knowledgeable you must not watch the news.Payoff? Beats me,more pity?
Kudos to u if your seeking help but not everyone wants the help,then things would be expected of them. “Whos going to take care of me if Im better? I’d have to do it myself”Cant have that.
Life is a series of problems,everyone can complain. What makes me/u so different then them? Self-loathing/ self pity?Mental illness?
Mental illness is acceptible the rest not.
There are much better things to do then sit and dwell on yourself. Get over it the best you can and move on.Good God.
O, and by the way I do know what guru is. Was that soppose to be an insult? Condesending(look it up) or arrogance(look that up too) cuz I refuse to do battle with and unarrmed person. I do not pretend to know it all but what I do know is you get what you give.
And if you don’t like (or pretend) to like yourself no one else will either.
O, and hey I’m only expressing myself. Is that not what this site is for? Or am I suppose to come here read all this and what feel sorry for everyone? What good do that do? More Pity.
O, and there I was venting.
Sincerly, Childish Guru
March 29th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
I hate myself a lot of times as well, for things I do or did or didn’t do or for the things that my parents did or didn’t do to me. I always feel alone or helpless. I do feel like a lot of people here that I don’t want to be here on this earth and somtimes that I don’t fit in this life. I am a loner and I have been because I don’t do too well socially. I have some things that one parent did to me that made me not to trust people much and I always expect them to do something to betray my trust. However, I do think that this hate we are experiencing has to do with the fast changing society, attitudes, what’s cool and what’s not. It is not that simple I know. It is just a thought. Let’s face it many people know that other people care about themselves and rarely when you find this community spirit or compassion where people care about others. Life is very disconnected and dry nowadays and if someone has a problem that is not relevant to others, some won’t even try to listen. Friendship itself has become a limited concept and rarly when you see true friendship. everyone nowadays can be a parent and quite frankly parents do harm their children when they are not knowledgable and when are not mature enough to have children. Now this is different from a parent who tries to do it right, because some parent just don’t give a sh–, I had one of those. It is sad. I say to all of us here who hate ourselves to work through it if we can. I know that this is very hard I am struggling with it every day. I am trying to live with pain and hate and my issues, and find ways to lessen their effect.
March 29th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Goldie
if you do all these roles, then you are deserving, because these are all big roles and require work. It is not easy to leave the past, but maybe if you focus on the present and do some work to leave the past. Do your children give you joy? or make you feel accomplished in anyway?
April 3rd, 2007 at 05:33 am
well i just typed in “i hate myself” to google and this is one of the links that popped up so yeah. well i really can’t even pinpoint my own feelings because i guess in a sense i feel extremely numb, and can’t even seem to comprehend my actual feelings. it’s not like anything traumatic has hit me in life, or i’ve undergone some devastating tragic event. i just very plainly feel.. blah. and lazy. and without motivation. i honestly just don’t get it. and feel extremely out of place in this world alot of the times, because i keep so much to myself and so many thoughts bottled up. it basically sucks. alot. but its just blah. there are so many thoughts to put out here, but i can’t even seem to grasp what i’m thinking of and make it seem sensible on this so i guess i’m done .. and i feel dumb cuz idk if this makes sense but whatever
April 5th, 2007 at 12:20 am
I hate my self and I am thinking of killing myself. I don’t care what other people think. I wish I was never born so I would not feel this way. I just want to escape life so I can just float away. Life Sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am poor, I can’t keep a good relationship with any woman! Everything is dead to me my job and most aspects of my life. I can’t wait until life is over.
April 5th, 2007 at 07:23 am
This is the first time I have ever written in one of these, so here goes.
I’m 21 years old & gay! I understand how common people like myself are and how obvious it may seem that my depression is attributed to being a homosexual but thats not so much the case.
I manage to create and if I’m interested enough sustain good wholesome friendships, however I prefer to be by myself and I get very much sick of people after a while! I would very much like to die however the only thing I fear is the pain or the failure to kill oneself properly.
I get so angry at times and so exausted that I feel a piece of myself break and change, it doesn’t happen that often but when it does it hurts so much and I know that I’m very slowly changing. My biggest fear is always tomorrow and the next day and 30 years from now.
What am I becoming? Who will I become? I’m not religious and I have no desire or longing to believe in a God or Gods. I believe in myself and I am a very person but for what? Can I ever or will I ever fathom what is happening inside of me?
I go through periods of wanting a partner but then it passes and leaves me thinking how asexual I am becoming! If I had a choice between being sexual or asexual I would prefer to be asexual! I realise that no one has anwsers and that at the end of the day I can only help myself, but there is more happening to me than I can explain or understand! I just wish I could lay down and sink into infinity, its strange how sometimes one can be so depressed that you either long for death or immortality.
I go through these periods where I feel as though I want to punnish anyone that annoys or wrongs me, I have bad thoughts toward people from my past that have made me depressed or upset. I wonder will I be here in a months time or will I be here in 30 years time! Will I summon enough courage to ask the doctor for sleeping taplets and I can swallow the container and be forever a person that was and never will be again.
When I was small I used to marvel at the way we could see others from our own bodies but we couldn’t truly ever see oursleves apart from the mirror but even then we only ever saw what we wanted. How distorted perceptions and images. Does beauty pass us by because culturally and socially it is not what we percieve it to be?
“I’d yield me to the Devil instantly did it not happen that myself am he”
Thank you for your time!
Joe
April 7th, 2007 at 07:13 am
I hate myself.
I have never admitted that to anyone but I think it is probably obvious.
I was always the fat ugly one in school. I combatted this by sleeping with more than 20 guys before I was 20years old. Real slut.
This didn’t make me any more poupular or any more liked by the way, just a fat ugly slut.
I have since made a little success out of my life, but can’t shake the constant feeling of people juging me as being fat, ugly and inadequte. I hate myself for being pathetic enough not to fix this. I am scared that 20 yrs from now I will still feel like this.
April 9th, 2007 at 05:54 am
Chrissy - I so understand where you are coming from!!! wish I could type more but I can’t for now! But please hang on - you are so not alone!!!!!!
April 19th, 2007 at 07:44 am
I feel like this everyday of my life… I just cant wait for the day i die. Sometimes i feel so miserable coz i know i have a better life than a lot of other people in the world… Im blessed with so much!!… But i never seem to do anything right. When i achieve something, its always by fluke.. Life’s been ssoo unfair to me off late. Whatever effort i put into something just goes to waste…. and it hurts like hell!!… Worst of all people think that i never put any effort into anything.. My class teacher considers me to be some useless person who never does any week.. when honestly i sit up nights working my as off… at work im always the last one chosen for any assignment….I mean its soo unfair. Ive been trying to find some comfort in god, but hes been ignoring me for quite a while now.. and i dont know what to do… i mean wasnt god the guy who helps u out when there’s just no way out.. The thing is god did help me out a few years back and i was completely a different person.. then things happened, and i got caught up in my own world and he hasnt looked at me ever since… i know its my fault… but then what’s the point of living… i cant face anything in this world.. I have an exam today and i dont wana write it… im going to fail for sure!!!.. why am i such a loser in life… i wish i could get myself to do more with what i have!!
May 16th, 2007 at 03:58 pm
I have hated myself for many many years now. I have very low self esteem and can’t stand the way that i act or behave aroundother people. I mean there have been alot of things in my life that have been pretty bad and to be honest i an’t see a way out. Its my head that fucks me up the most. I can make the smallest little thing into a huge catasrovy (excuse the spelling). I do think though that alot of it just myself wallowing in my own self pity. And in a way i can understand what Penny is saying, but when you’ve had bad things happen to you it is very difficult to try and look to the future. I find it almost impossable. At the moment im in a very good relationship, with someone i love deeply and on the cover my life would appear fine, but deep down inside me just lies my past, and i never go a day without thinking about it. I am completly alone, and i know that i will be like this for the rest of my life. No matter how many people i have around me who love me, i will still always be aone. I haven’t got it in me to be happy. And no matter what great things will happen in my life i know that under neath the surface i will always be deeply sad. And i do truly believe that some people will never be happy. I mean, you find some people ho are truly happy all the time so surely this is God’s way of balancing the world out. I’m going to leave with a quote now “Life is pain, and anybody who says differently is selling something”.
May 25th, 2007 at 11:12 am
I hate myself and I don’t know. I just do. I hide my hatred thru drinking. The worst part is the cycle. You drink to hide yourself but when your sober the hangover and alchohol makes you depressed needing more alchohol. I have parents, a sister, nieces and nephews and even my kids who love me. I hate myself. Thats all I know. I’m only 30. I have a thread of hope that it may end or I may learn to deal with it. But I do openly except the day I die. I don’t know. All I know is I hate who I am, where my life has taken me and the personality I’ve been born with.
May 26th, 2007 at 02:44 am
I Feel pretty shitty right now, but you know what. ..There’s a way out. I still haven’t figured out what my real purpose for being here is, but I’m sure it’s not walkin around like a little bitch feeling sorry for myself. There is way too much detail put into making me who I am(A human being with reason(most of the time), and no matter what… power of choice) for that to be the case. And that goes for everyone that has written or is reading. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through. One more time..IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH or what you’re going through even if you’re not going through anything. You can change. You will change if you choose to. Your whole existence starts with the thoughts in your head. Change those and you will change. It aint gonna happen with one positive thought or action, but it’s a start. If you wanna get better at something you’ve got to practice and once you get better at whatever it is you’ve got to keep practicing. If you’ve got a bad habit of feeling like/thinking there’s no hope, like your a piece of shit with no chance you have to change your thoughts..if you want to change. It may be the toughest thing you’ve ever had to do, but if you do it you will see changes in yourself and your life. Shit, I didn’t know I was a motivational speaker. Listen, just try. Go get a self help book, talk to a counselor,to someone, talk to yourself. Just do something differently and there’s a chance things will change b/c if you keep doing the same thing I can almost guarantee you nothing will change and that would suck. I’ve never written a message like this and you know, it made me feel a little better. Good Luck! I’m going to copy and paste this on every site I can find.
June 3rd, 2007 at 05:46 am
i am 26. I hate myself. I hate everyrthing that i am about and I hate the fact that i talk to myself in my head all the time and there is no one to listen but me. I have a boyfriend, but i have convinced myself that he doesn’t even like me let alone love me. After almost 6 years i can’t even talk to him about how shit i feel. nothing seems to go right, i am shit at my job, my friends dont even want to spend time with me yet i am described as being popular. everyone thinks i am something i am not. my family would describe me as outgoing and confident…what a joke! i am just a fucking waste of space.
June 6th, 2007 at 02:46 am
i’ve always hid my secret so well (went far in the corporate world, retired early). but i’ve never felt as though i fit in any where. i think this is how “the elephant man” must have felt…constant lonliness, constantly on ‘display’ for the way he looked. i have been told that i am cute, hot, etc. but i know people just say that to be polite or if they want something from you. my secret: i am alone in my ownself, the lonliness is so painful, but who could love me? as i get older (i’m a 42 yr f) i find myself leaving my house less & less for fear ridicule. my family doesn’t know the extent of the depression that has slowly been ruining my life for over 30yrs. It is hard for most people to understand if they’ve never “been there”. i’m lost
June 7th, 2007 at 06:45 am
I have self esteem problems. I only feel good about myself when I have a boyfriend. I hate myself when he doesn’t spend enough time with me. I hate myself for being so dependent on him. I hate myself because I think I’m fat even though I know I’m really not and I always want to lose more weight. I hate myself when I don’t stick to my diets. I hate myself for not getting into the Ivy League colleges I applied to. I hate myself for being second rate.
June 8th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Well…..I’ve need wrote one of these but here it goes!!!
Well i hate mysellf for always being me! just because i feel i can never be good for my friends and family….when i was born i wasn’t going to live but still here i am! writing this……i sorta made a big mistake and i can’t go back…but it’s made me learn that good comes out o everything. So i surpose my life is good. I’m just me and i couldn’t really ask for anymore.
June 12th, 2007 at 06:48 am
I don’t want to live anymore but my mum wouldnt be able to take it if i killed myself. I was bullied at school and made to feel worthless at home. My dad favoured my sister and would only beat me if we argued. He would buy things for her and not me. He would beat me for not cleaning and because i developed a nervous twitch in my eyes. He did occasionally lose his temper with my mum and sister and hit them too. I always did well academically and it was my only source of self-worth. My sister eventually developed anorexia and when she was 16 weighed under 4 stone. Her psychiatrist and dietitian after 4 years informed us that things were unlikely to improve after so long and to prepare for the worst. My dad told me that if she died it would be my fault and I believed him. I felt that somehow the resentment i’d felt towards her had caused her to become this way.
Luckily. she didnt die. My mum took her to a faith-healer and she was somehow cured, an infinitely welcome miracle.
My dad since as early as I can remember had been cheating on my mum. She had no-one to turn to so she confided in me,and even told me when i was very young that he came home one day with his penis covered in menstrual blood. She would drive us around spying on him and we caught him parking outside strange women’s houses. A woman came to our house one xmas eve when my dad was working and told us that she had been in a relationship with him for over a year, had just found out he was married and was very sorry. my mum hugged her and made her a cup of tea.
I remember telling her to leave him when i was 8 years old. She wouldn’t though, and kept forgiving him.
When I was 18, I was studying for a-levels and was using our home computer when my dad was at work. He had instructer us all to stay away from it, but i knew how to delete the history.He didnt. He had been looking up all kinds of sick porn and chatting to women on msn arranging to meet up with them. I thought i’d get more info if i pretended to be him, so i started chatting to this american woman who had sent him pictures of herself in underwear.when i revealed who iwas he told me that he’d said his wife had ran away with his best mate 6 months ago. I showed my mum the messages and she finally split up with him.
They sold our house and my dad moved in with the american woman that i had been speaking to.
After my a-levels i went to uni to do my degree in philosophy.My mum started verbally abusing me and hitting me for virtually no reason. I was miserable. I broke down one day and asked her why she was doing this to me and she admitted it was because she was jealous that i was going to university and she never did. Things were a bit better after that until my dads new girlfriend wanted to get to know my sister and I. When we refused to meet with her and my dad, she sent my mum a nasty letter saying that she had turned us against our dad, that she had been unfaithful and selfish with money all throughout the marriage. I was extremely angry so i called her on the telephone and told her everything in detail. Neither of them tried to contact us again after that. I did feel a bit guilty for divulginhg the info because until that point my dad had no idea that i held such a grudge.
One day I was in work at a clothes shop (my degree amounted to nothing!) and recieved a phonecall from my mum. My dad had just had a stroke and was in hospital. I left immediately to see him. He was making strange noises and talking gibberish.2 days later he was brain dead andi watched them switch off the life-support machine. it was strange to see the colour drain from him but i didn’t cry. The funeral was a total lie about how good and kind he was.
I started going out with a guy 2 months later. He was so understanding and i fell in love immediately.we were best friends and understood each other so well. After a year things began to deteriorate. He wanted to see me less and i began to feel unloved, so i cheated on him. I just felt worse. However, I cheated on him a few more times after that, even though i loved him so much. I think i did it so i would feel like a worse person than him, which gave me a reason to stay with him. He never found out i cheated, but his apathy grew, until after a year and 6 months, he told me he didnt love me anymore, and didnt know why. That was a month ago.
Two weeks ago I slept with a guy from my team at work ( I work in a call centre) and we have met up a few times since, and it could be been the start of a new relationship. Another guy from work tht i had kissed a few times whilst going out with my ex, whom i had implied that i was interested in, found out and has started senting me textmessages calling me a lying c**nt etc and that i am a horrible person that can’t be trusted.
However, I fear that I have really messed things up because I was away on a trip with a manager and 2 colleagues from work and ended up sleeping with my manager. The other 2 colleagues know about it as they pretty much heard everything, for the first night we were all in the same room. The first night i was drunk, but the second night i was sober and slept with him again, even though i was on my period. I don’t know why i did it. I ts only a matter of time now before the other guy ive slept and the angry guy that ive kissed find out about it, along with the rest of the workplace. I’m so ashamed of myself and I don’t know what to do. Ive no-one to talk to, havent heard from my mum and sister in ages and i wouldnt tell them about this anyway. I feel so alone and worthless i just want it all to end, but i know i can’t kill myself beacuse my mum wouldnt be able to cope.
June 16th, 2007 at 12:27 am
I’m 16 years old. I’ve always hated myself, ever since i was 7 years old. I hate myself because I’m not good looking and because I’ve never really fit in anywhere. when I’m with my friends, i put on this mask and pretend to be a really goofy and happy person who doesn’t have a care in the world, but in reality, i’ll be crying from the inside. I dont think being ugly is the only reason why i hate myself. I just really hate myself for no reason i guess…
I feel like everyone’s always judging me, which im sure they are. that’s wot people do. and i know im not suppose to care about what people think about me but i do. and everytime i go out and if im alone, i can feel people staring at me, and it makes me want to just disappear. I feel so ugly when someone looks at me, sometimes i’ve started crying when i was in the mall because i felt ugly!!!!!!!
having such a low self-esteem hasnt really been such a problem…well it has but not like it is now…
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 9 months now and we’re even engaged( coz we love each other so much) but i feel like my insecurities could tear us apart. He’s never complained to me about anything. not even when im on about how ugly i am and how much i hate myself…he always listens to me
but im scared that im not good enough for him and that one day he’ll find someone better and leave me….
I just want to learn to like myself really and accept me for who i am coz its not going to change…but i dont know how!
June 18th, 2007 at 05:54 pm
I hate myself. I hate how I sabotage everything I do. I hate my mind for locking me in my fantasies. I hate myself for loving at a distance. I hate everyone. I hate them for hating me. I hate how I can never be like them. Successful, handsome, happy. I hate being here. The nostalgia. The memories. Leaves a disgusting taste in my mouth. I hate the looks I get. I hate the voices in my head. I hate my body. I hate myself for not having the guts to end it.
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:56 pm
i hate myself because im so overweight even though i tried very hard to exercise and eat healthily. and everybody treats me very bad, like as if i am the one that’s snobbish and a pain in the eye. I dont want any religion, so far it has been a burden in my life. i hate myself mainly because i have most of the opportunities in life but i still end up like a loser. my results have deteoriated ever since i have switch to that university etc… i feel like im letting myself go by not wanting to dress up and look presentable anymore. i hate myself because i dont have many friends and i have many aspirations to be sucessful but it always fails. its like im always the unlucky one. i have stop believing in God when i prayed extremely hard and there was already a 70% chance into getting into the university that will improve me better, but i still did not get it (after countless deep submission of prayers). but still, until now, my parents force me to go for all these religious meetings even though i hate it cos i feel like im not learning anything for the better.
i think of suicide quite often. sometimes i feel like giving up my life because there are so many other people who are fighting for their lives while im here complaining about myself and comtemplating suicide. i slapped myself in the face many times because i hate me. but i dont cut myself cos i do not want scars and infection which would remind me of the mental pain endured.
June 30th, 2007 at 03:32 pm
I hate myself and have since I was 13. I’m 24. I got good grades, I went to college, I worked hard. Despite what everyone else says it wasn’t fun. It was work, the people were drunkards, and it led to more work. I have a good job 80,000 a year, but I have no passion about it or it’s field. I work overtime and on the weekends ofr the extra cash and because I have nothing to do. I live in a studio apartment because the rent is cheaper. I never talk to anyone, have no friends or girlfriend and don’t desire any. There is just nothing important in life and it’s my fault. If hadn’t been so depressed and shy through high school I could have made friends, and then made friends in college, made friends at my job, found a girlfriend, and have something to live for… but I don’t. The only reason I’ve yet to commit suicide is becahse of my self-hatred. Death is to good for me.
July 5th, 2007 at 09:53 pm
I hate myself..ever since I can remember I hated the way I look. hate the fact I don’t have any woman in my life. hate the fact I don’t have a home of my own. in a nutshell hated everything about life. You would think my life can’t get worst but it has!! How you may ask??
July 5th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Comment # 56 seems Like you and I have lots in common ..were about the same age ..but I haven’t retired yet…if you can to e-mail me ..my e-mail is needhelp_god@inbox.com
July 10th, 2007 at 05:49 pm
I have been in off and on since I was 19. I am now turning 48. I thought that I had pretty much “fixed” myself mentally of all the things that haunted me from my childhood until I spoke to a psychic the other day. I wanted to know why I was sleeping almost constantly and why I was soooo depressed, and she replied by telling me that I hated myself, my life, etc. I never thought I hated myself until I really examined what she had said. But it is true-I do hate myself! I hate myself for so many things that I would have to write a book to state them all! After I thought about how much I hated myself, I wanted to kill myself. I hated everything-me, my husband, life, people, God-and the list goes on. I am so depressed that I don’t know what to do. I did try to overdose on Xanax (I took numerous pills) and when I woke up from a 16 hr sleep from taking so many, I was PISSED that I was still alive! I am still pissed as I write this. I am also pissed that I use to be a productive human that went to work everyday, but now I am on Social Security Disability for Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house), and no matter what I do, the fear makes me feel like I am in a straight jacket!!!!! I HATE IT!!!! I feel like such a coward. I feel like a useless piece of crap. I feel like I am stealing the air that I breath from someone else who deserves it more than I do.
The thing that sucks is that after reading everyone’s posts, it sounds like we all have been abused or made to feel like we are nothing, worthless, etc. I don’t know how to get out of this funk. It truly sucks.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:13 am
Everyday, I hate myself a little more. I’m in my 40’s and have nothing to be here for. No kids, no nothing. The man I loves is still in love with the bitch that cheated on him. I can’t prove it, but I know it. I hate myself because I can’t leave him. I don’t want to be all alone, but I feel no love anymore. I think I killed it. I’ve let myself get overweight again, so I hate myself for being so indulgent and out of control. I hate that I am always in physical pain. It never stops, I always hurt and it’s hard to be like other people. I hate it that I can’t sleep. I hate it that I’m embarrassed by my fat and ugly body. I hate myself because I just am not like an accepted “normal” person in society. I don’t fit into the mold and I’m at outcast. I hate being here, I have nothing to offer. I too can not end it because it would devastate my parents, but even with that knowledge I am convinced that they would be fine, I have other siblings that are better people and not considered a failure in life. I have nothing that anyone wants, not one thing. I’m bitter and opinionated because I am so miserable being here on this planet. I want God to release me from this sentence, I’m tired of getting up every day for nothing. It’s awful to feel so empty and not have love or affection or human touch. It is like being dead with a pulse and it is not worth it. I’ve tried to change and had happy for a little while and then it was snatched away from me and thrown back in my face. I can’t stand to feel that pain again. I’d rather feel death knock on my door, I want it fast and over. I’m losing my mind and I’m exhausted. I know how all of you feel, we are living in a nightmare called “life.”
July 15th, 2007 at 10:21 pm
63 jason
my life is just like you. i am 23 working hard( or so i believe) but not don’t know for what. have a few friends but getting far from them everyday. my parents told me not to share my problems as they are my own and i have to deal with it. no girlfriends because always thaught that it would be a waste of time. had a girl who liked me but also made her life miserable and then said bye to her too.
today as i write this i am surrounded by many but cant call anybody my own. my life has no reason.i don’t even know why am i alive as i am of no importance to anybody ever. its as if god is trying to take every reason of my existence.
may god have mercy on your soul and everybody who are fed up of there life
July 19th, 2007 at 07:58 pm
i have always hated myself,i have always been a failure,iam in my thirties and i have nothing to show for it no husband,no money,no kids nothing i have nothing,i switched countries thinking maybe things will get better but i was wrong sooo wrong i use to pray but i stopped because i realised that god only helps who he likes,god picks and chooses who he helps the special ones and iam not special aim a worthless piece of shit he knows it because he made me.
i don’t believe in god anymore never really did i always say to god ‘FUCK YOU’ i will survive on my own without your help.
all is left for me to do is to end the pain but iam such a big coward even that i can’t do,i wish it all will end,i see people dying everyday who have reasons to live and i have no reason at all,i want to end it but i don’t want to cause my mom pain but she will get over it eventually i hope.
my family knows nothing of my failure i tell them nothing,no one knows my failures they know iam a loser but they don’t know the whole story one day the cat will be out the bag one day it will all end.
July 21st, 2007 at 12:13 am
I don’t like myself because I feel like I backed myself into a corner. I’m married with two kids, but my husband never even sees me and since I’ve given up every dream for this marriage that still isn’t working, I have no where to go. I tried once and I realized I’m royally screwed. Tomorrow, I will be twenty-eight years old and all I have to show for myself is that my reproductive system worked just enough to get knocked up a couple of times. Though I love my kids dearly, they unfortunately have a mother with no sense of self-worth who could not provide for them and sometimes doesn’t know how to be a parent to them.
I grew up in a family of losers with very abusive parents and now, though I’m not abusive, well… I guess the apple doesn’t fall from the tree.
I’m lucky, I’m not overweight, I guess you would say I’m pretty cute, I’m intellegent and yet, I’ve gotten myself so trapped and now my self-esteem holds me back. It doesn’t matter what I do either, what I wear, what I say, what I contribute or don’t, I honestly do not think my husband would even notice. If I left tomorrow and never came back, the only reason he would recognize I was gone is because he would have to watch the kids. Of course, I would never do that because of my kids. So, I guess I’ll just sit here… what else can I do?
July 23rd, 2007 at 04:18 am
I have always been okay with my self. I never thought I was too good looking, too intelligent someone too special. I always I was good enough to deserve a loving relationship and nice life. It was going that way…then I met someone…fall in love….he always threw challenges at me…if you really love me…..want to be with me prove it…do this…sacrifice that…and it still like that…. He himself have never went out of his secured zone….never done anything that can hamper his life, career but wanted me to do those things. I have let go of things I love, I care…..have sacrificed so many things a dearly love….but still nothing is enough…I have more challenges….more to prove…and still I am someone who is not good enough. I am someone he don’t think is good enough but will not let go… I started hating myself since I met him. After I got married and had to compromise more…listen and digest more of his hurtful comments….I hate myself more with every hurtful thing he say. I don’t have any self worth left…No self respect…I feel dirty….used….humiliated to the extreme.IU hate to live in my own body. I want to die.
July 23rd, 2007 at 01:23 pm
I hate myself because I will never be able to be what I want to be. I was given the ability to be smart enough to know that I will never be smart enough. I’m 19. And I already know.
I don’t want to die. I want to exist in an alternative world to this. Alone. I don’t want to be around people because they are here only to show me how inadequate and how ugly I am next to them.
Guys don’t look at me. Not to see anything attractive. I can’t befriend people my age. They’re so dumb and it kills me that I want to be friends with them.
I hate everyone and everything all the time. I HATE it. I don’t KNOW how to be happy. I want something that doesn’t even exist. And I’m not even sure of what it IS. God, what the hell is wrong with me.
I’m destroying my body and I’m not sure why. I am a cutter and a bruiser. I’ve become bulimic along with being anorexic. My insomnia and OCD are combining to trap me even more. I HATE myself. I absolutely HATE myself and I don’t know what to do about it.
I’m thinking about going into drugs. Perhaps I can destroy my mind as well. God don’t I sound like some dumb emo kid. It’s the most pathetic thing ever. I’m so fucking ashamed of myself. And I’m shallow as hell for caring.
I’m such a terrible person that I no longer want to be friends with people who are losers. But I’m not cool enough to be with anyone else.
I’m just so tired all of the time. So tired and my head aches and my joints ache. My hair is falling out, my voice has gone down an octive because of the bulimia, I wear long clothes to hide the scars and the fresh ones burn so badly.
I don’t want to go out in public. I’m isolating myself even more. And we are all such selfish people that we’ll never reach out and save one another.
What the fuck is wrong with us?
August 10th, 2007 at 08:26 am
I hate myself and it’s killing me. I am nothing special. In fact, my mom once told me “I USED to think you were special”…but I guess I am not anymore. I am a middle child, the second girl in the family. My grandma told my mother when I was born ‘Aw, I am sorry you had another girl”
My sister has a great career, just got engaged, wants to have kids soon. My mother is SO happy and proud of her. I have a younger brother, who has always been the favorite.
Yet, I am the one with the most potential. I am the most intelligent, the best looking, the most even tempered…and yet, I am a total failure. I have worked hard ALL my life. I am the MOST responsible, moral person I know. I have so much potential according to many people…yet I have NOTHING to show for it. I am almost 30 and have nothing. No husband, no boyfriend (for YEARS), no kids, no money, no great job, no assets…I can’t even afford a car. I still have to take the BUS. And I have a degree (on a scholarship). I excel at my job(s)…have nver hurt anyone (as far as I know) but get NOTHING in return.
I was sexually abused as a kid, had a psycho mother who flew into angry rages at the drop of a hat (but only to me, not the other two), father ran out when I was 10, got a whole new family for himself. I was gang raped in my 20’s. Managed to find a great guy, dated for six years, til he left me…he told me “You are not good enough for me”.
Well, that did it. That confirmed what I always suspected. I am a worthless piece of shit.
I have no self esteem, I dont let people get close to me anymore, because EVERYONE has hurt or betrayed me. I have only a few friends..and they all seem to be progressing in their lives….leaving me behind. You know, careers, marriage, kids, mortgages. I am single, poor, alone. So alone. My friends are only there when it’s convenient for them. My boyfriend of 6 years called me “spackle”…meaning he fits me in his schedule ONLY when there is space. Then he dumped me. We rarely fought, had good times together..yet I still wasn’t good enough for him. I had to be happy “100% of the time” according to him.
I have an emptiness inside me that is starting to consume me, it’s so painful. Why am I so unloveable? Why does nobody really care? I have NO reason to live. If I die, it really doesn’t matter. Everybody I know, is getting married. Nobody even wants to DATE me. Yet I get told I am “alot of fun to be around”. I have a great sense of humour and I am kind an compassionate towards others. So WHY DOES NO ONE WANT ME? Why can I not get ahead in life? I truly do not understand. Nothing makes sense. Am I just not supposed to get anything I want. NEED? I am not worthy of happiness.
So I cut myself to release the pain. And my friends see the scars. Yet do nothing. Why waste any of their energies on me??
and for the record, I have “made changes” in the past, in efforts to make things better. EVERY TIME, things have gotten worse. I recently changed jobs cause I was unhappy. I took a job that promised great things. I asked a lot of questions to make sure I was making the right move…it all seemed good. Turns out, this new job is worse.
Life keeps going DOWNHILL. I now cry all the time, I am so miserable. At my desk, on the bus, at home. I can’t control it anymore. I honestly can’t remember that last time something GOOD happened to me. I can’t remember the last time I felt happy, excited or hopeful. I have few positive memories in my 30 years.
I an wasting my life. I am such a f**ing loser. I am a waste of oxygen.
August 12th, 2007 at 05:26 pm
i hate myself, because i’m fairly lucky yet i can never be satisfied. i have a nice family, a handful of good friends, and a good education. yet..
i feel like i’m a complete loser, a poser, a fake, and so on.
i am constantly insecure, intimidated, even by those people who are nice to me.
i have very few friends because i unintentionally push them away. like, i believe that they’re gonna hate me once they get to know me, so i rarely get close to someone.
i hate myself because i’m being such a bitch to my boyfriend, who is nothing but sweet to me. i only do it because i’m afraid that if i’m being nice, he’ll get bored of me and dump me.
i feel like noone appreciates me, cause i’m good at NOTHING. i don’t know what i like, i don’t know what i don’t like, i’m just the most freaking insecure person in this world. i change my mind a lot, being inconsistent defines me.
i’m the middle child of 3. my sister is a whole lot more outgoing and prettier than me. my brother is a very wise guy and my family respects him.
that leaves me with nothing.
but i guess this is just all in my head.
because i’m an ungrateful person.
and i hate myself for that.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Hello, this is for Lisa, comment #73. Lisa, I used to feel like that all the time. My mother was just like yours cutting and abusive. She even told me once that “Uncle Frank treats his *dog* better than I treat you. hahaha.” Apparently, I look a lot like her, and that is one of the reasons I hated myself so much.
Just wanted to tell you that lifting weights really helped me to feel better about myself. I had never been athletic. To me, muscle tone was something other people had that you have to be born with. I started very slowly — very light weights, and made “showing up” regularly at the gym my only goal. After six months of this low-key, regular attendance, my body had changed. I had actually acquired some muscle tone. My weight stayed the same, however, because muscle weighs more than fat. I felt stronger. I had more energy. Most importantly, my body no longer resembled my mother’s. It blew my mind that I could control something I had once viewed as purely hereditary.
Lisa, lift weights, kick some ass!!!
You are doing better than you think. First, taking the bus is ecologically wise. Cars are expensive, and car insurance costs a bomb. Gasoline is a huge cash suction. People addicted to cars are the fools, not you!!!
Also, all those people you know who are getting married and having kids, err, I hate to tell you this but, most marriages are death traps. Once you have kids, your life is not your own. Most people get married before they know who they really are. They have kids before they know themselves, and without truly considering what a huge responsibility children are. What can most people teach a child? Are most people patient enough to deserve to raise a child? Also, DOES THE WORLD NEED ANY MORE PEOPLE???
Without knowing it, if you can hang in there for five years more, even if you don’t feel like you’re progressing, you will be wiser, and you will realize that, by not encumbering yourself with other peoples’ sh*t, you will come out on top. You are unique. Run with that. Everybody else feels as sh*tty as you too, they’re just desperately hoping nobody notices!!!
August 22nd, 2007 at 01:32 am
What IS my problem? I have yet to figure it out! I DO hate myself, and figure that I have approximately 75% of my life. I’ve been depressed since about age 5, or at least that is as early as I can remember.
Now… I am almost 30. I am educated, make $75+ a year, have been engaged for 10 months, and I STILL cannot seem to be happy. I hate myself. I recently did something that jeopardized everything I can possibly have in the future.
Yesterday…. I don’t know what my problem was. I laid on the couch all day… I work from home… and couldn’t bring myself to do anything productive except for look at the internet. I cruised the NSA websites for casual sex. I’ve done this in the past, and nothing has ever really come of it. I searched GOOGLE for “How to Cheat”… WHY? I don’t know… it only gave me pages about cheating at video games. I searched “Best NSA Sex Sites”…. WHY? I am not sure.
I am 29, have had numerous girlfriends, and NEVER EVER cheated on a single one. I have met the majority of them online, but never cheated on anyone… EVER. My Fiancée uses my computer most days… and saw my search on google…. Then did the “unethical” thing of checking my email. She saw that I had made a Craigslist post to find Discreet Daytime Fun. I am not really sure why I did this. I read these posts… mostly to see what the common person is trying to find…. See discreet pictures of people…. Maybe to live Vicariously through the internet. I DON’T KNOW! …also… I don’t hold anything against her for checking my email….
I have never cheated on a girlfriend, and don’t want to cheat on my Fiancée…. But I still did this! Is it a morbid curiosity, or what?
NOW…. I have a Fiancée who has seen this…. And feels that she can no longer trust me. I DON’T BLAME HER! I would feel the same way in her position. The thing is… I NEED her. I think that she may be the only reason I have kept sane the last 10 months. We’ve even seen a therapist together… We’ve both been on numerous Anti-Depressant/Anxiety drugs…. BUT… I went off of ALL of them very recently. I couldn’t stand the sexual frustrations… just the basic lack of feeling… (Last drug was Effexor… DON’T take it!)
Lately I have just been taking St. John’s Wort…. And Melatonin to sleep. I am thinking that maybe this is a problem. I have been Diagnosed as being Disthymic since age 18.
I don’t think that I can ever be happy. I have a great life…. A house… a car, a truck, a Harley… a fiancée…. I make good money… my Fiancée is intelligent, loveable, and a very beautiful woman.
Why can I feel so much HATRED toward myself? WHY? WHY has it always been looming in the background? BTW… I’ve fucked up my life a WHOLE lot more in the past… which feeds in to this, I am sure…
I am on my 3rd Turkey and Coke…. Just to dull the pain. I HATE MYSELF. I have ruined everything that I have with my Fiancée in the matter of one night.
September 7th, 2007 at 05:30 am
Yeah I hate myself to……Everyday I want to be dead, well….i just want the hell inside myself to stop and leave me alone. It won’t leave……..so how do you stop it? Kill myself? Well if I did that, I believe that I will go to hell…so, and that would be a million times over worse than what i am suffering with now. So I just have to wait life out. I hope I can for my 2 little boys sakes. But maybe there better off with out me.
I got married and I shouldn’t have……..oh the webs I weave !! antidepressants don’t work……..I think they make a person worse sometimes.
I gained weight after having 2 babies now I am revolted with myself, totally, I would like to take a knife and cut my stomach right off. If I knew it was possible I would do it, but I would just make a mess.
WHen I look in the mirror I try to imagine that I am looking at someone else and trying to thing…do I like this person or not? and usally I think…….NO there hateful looking and not very happy……..so that is probably what other people think to, but I don’t give a craps ass what other people think……..I used to worry and worry and worry about other people all the time. whether they liked me or not………..now I couldn’t give a shit.
But I still hate myself to a point that I want to hurt myself, like beat the shit right out of myself, but that is impossible…….hmmm maybe I should ask my husband to do it for me, not that he never gave me a crack in the ribs before…………….
There……….this website is great for getting it off your chest….THANKs………I will be back……
Have a Great Day everyone that hates them selves and to everyone that likes yourself…..CONGRATULATIONS
September 12th, 2007 at 12:25 am
I pretend to talk on the phone,
So i won’t look so alone,
Empty joviality,
Shrouded in smiles,
The false peaks in my hollow happiness.
Eyes close to tears, exposing all fears,
Inadequate in all aspects,
Lacking the ability to move among God’s creatures.
September 14th, 2007 at 12:45 am
i dont eactly hate myself ..im 21 yrs n seen less of life,met less people earlier yeah life was bad but not miserable…i always maintained my sanity n held a positive attitude ..believed in god n myself that as time will pass n as i get independent things will be gud..ILL MAKE THEM GUD ..im a medioker student with ok looks or i can say i love how i luk n generally dont give a SHIT how others feel 4 me..all im concerned is how those people feel for me whom i truely love..i lived in boarding for 4 yrs in schooling met people from different areas of my country..made sum gud frends ..now im in my college n now people r so disgusting every 1 is just around for their own selfish motives…money is always such a fuckin big issue..i hardly spend on mself..always spending on fuckin society coz i have to live with shit…..i have a job ..will be joinin after 1 yr..but im not happy it seems as if i cant keep ne 1 happy..i love a guy more than my soul…but look at destiny ..he happens to be my cousin..which is awkward but it is true …i cant help it..ive always maintained my distance from.him..but yet we share a lot of what is called clean n true love…but now there is sumthing thats makin me hollow every de evry sec..n i hate it ..i always aspire to have a gud life sumde but now i feel weak n disgusted as if im sum bag of dog shit….there used to be a spark that 1 day things will turn gud ..ill be rich will find a cute n loving husband…n i will be capable of spreading joy but now feel sick n i knw Y coz of this full of shit people…people r soooo mean n selfish n super arseholessssssssss i hate them till my death..n i curse all of them that they will nevr find happinesss n will die in absolute painnnnnn fuccccccccck uuuuuuuuuuu allll fuckin PEOPLE
September 15th, 2007 at 04:54 pm
well i have read lots of problems here so if you wanna enjoy something you can listen to avril lavignes music it could have a song about your problems i think that earth is hell thats why good people are treated badly its a bad place you dont belong here earth is trying to kill you so you end up in heaven and bad people in heaven who are bad go to helll.. see i am right well my life is bad bad bad yeah and am gonna commit suicide!!! or get a gun go to school kill the bad people and put em through pain then runaway to some exotic place spain be a master crinimal a jewel theif have secret location in the mongolia mountains steal loads of money money money buy a boat travel to countries and do all the crazy things i wnated to do or just hate myself ie cream all day and die my pathetic life waa wa w a NO!
September 15th, 2007 at 05:27 pm
im a loser i have been told im a loser so yeah i am! really i am its not like im ugly am very attractive really!but thats not it really hurtfull things have happend its really upsetting so bad you know when you do something and people just decide not to talk to you!well people treat me like that!i
have
moved all over the place different schools and all!nd i liked this guy alot loads and loads i was in love i was in love!but thats a bad thing he liked me to but being the shy person i kinda was not confident around him coz i was soo in love he was so handsome wow i even doubted i ahd a chance!but he really liked me but i wont go into it well anyway one day he had to leave school and he looked at me and gave me a really nasty look he had a girl friend and she wispered things like he likes her i pretened like what duh hu i diont know but one day!i was late for school and i saw him with his girl friend he looked at me and moved away from his girlfriend and went behind some doors!i sighned in an